For a while now, I've been wondering how it came to be that relaxing has become the norm in our kinky-haired community.
Ideally, we want long relaxed or curly hair, but still prefer no kinky hair. Honestly, I too once, without thinking about it, partially upheld this norm. When I was a teenage girl and wanted something different with my afro, I was thrilled that I was allowed to relax my hair. I also wanted long hair, and as far as I knew, this hair mutation was the only way to achieve this and simultaneously appear "hip."
Bald, normal? However, when my hair started breaking, I began to wonder why so many women continue to relax. A vast majority struggles with serious hair problems and considers bald spots and hair breakage normal. The norm is, after all, straight hair, and these problems are inherent to straightening kinky hair. For me, this is a blurring of norms. We consider thin, lifeless, broken, relaxed hair normal, and we ask women with healthy kinky hair why they don't relax. How did that happen?
Our blurring of norms began when the Western world, in advance, dismissed our authentic hairstyles as offensive, flashy, and backward. The prevailing norms, which were not normal for us and our hair, were then simply imposed on us. However, these norms are still unconsciously and subtly maintained by ourselves. Why else do we do everything possible to straighten our hair?
Because relaxed hair is easier to care for than natural kinky hair?
If it were that easy, why does relaxed hair cause us so many problems?
To create "representative" hairstyles?
Representative by the standards of straight-haired people?
Because relaxed hair is easier to "manage"? What is the norm for manageable hair?
Being able to effortlessly comb through your hair daily? A comb that is unsuitable for our hair type?
In short, we apply Western norms, which are probably fine for European hair, but lead to a blurring of norms when it comes to our own kinky hair. By secretly adhering to these prevailing norms, we not only destroy our hair, but we are also chemically mutating ourselves. We cannot afford this, and therefore we must work on our own new norms.
Representative, neat, and well-groomed hair must be redefined based on natural kinky hair. Bantu knots, twists, Curaçao curls, cornrows, braids, and dreadlocks should, in my opinion, be considered representative in any work environment. If long, well-groomed straight hair is representative, then long, well-groomed dreadlocks are too, and we should be able to wear our short kinky hair in any way that is comfortable and representative for us.