Relaxing Kinky Hair: Choice or Social Pressure?
Dee from Nappturality has been an inspiration to me for years. She is the founder of the most visited website about natural kinky hair in the US. After a heated discussion about whether relaxing kinky hair is truly a choice, she wrote a powerful reflection:
“Many things we do unconsciously, without thinking. Only when something significant happens do we begin to reflect on the deeper reasons behind our choices. Often, a whole journey of discovery is needed to understand why we made certain decisions.”
Dee regularly receives messages from women who are desperate because they don't dare to wear their kinky hair naturally. They are afraid of rejection, losing their jobs, friends, or even their partners. That's why they continue to relax their hair, despite the damage: thinning hair, breakage, burns, and sometimes even baldness. For these women, relaxing is not a choice, but a necessity for social acceptance. As Dee puts it:
“It is a choice imposed by society, and in my opinion, you cannot call it a real choice.”
My Personal Experience with Relaxing
For me, relaxing was a conscious choice for years. But honestly? I hated it. I hated the chemical smell, the burning on my scalp, the painful burns, and the thin, limp hair that was then greased with oil. Yet I endured all that misery because, deep down, I believed it was better than wearing my "ugly, black-just-off-the-boat-from-Africa hair."
Why did I think that? When I asked myself that question, my journey of discovery began. I realized that my choice to relax was not my own choice at all. How can something be a choice if you think your social life depends on it? If you feel you have no other option?
Like Dee, I hated the relaxing process, but I didn't know there were alternatives. I knew too little about kinky hair to do anything else with it. So, I kept relaxing.
Is Relaxing Kinky Hair Truly a Choice?
Although my experience is slightly different from Dee's, her story perfectly articulates how I feel about the choice to relax. How much choice do you truly have when society barely accepts other options? How free are you when relaxing is tacitly expected of you?
The stigma surrounding kinky hair is deeply rooted in our history and culture. Many women feel compelled to hide their natural hair because it is not seen as professional or beautiful. This stigma is a direct result of our history of slavery and the social norms that have emerged from it.
Alternatives to Relaxing: Embrace Natural Kinky Hair
Fortunately, more and more women are embracing their kinky hair and opting for natural hairstyles such as twists, locs, braids, and afros. Platforms like Nappturality and kinky hair gatherings offer inspiration and support for women who want to transition to natural hair. It is a process of self-acceptance and breaking through societal expectations.
Share Your Story
I am curious about your opinion. What was or is your motivation for relaxing? Or have you transitioned to natural kinky hair? Share your experience and join the discussion via the forum. Together, we can break the stigma surrounding kinky hair and inspire each other.