We all find ourselves in situations where we don’t know how to react or what to say. It’s often when people are diagnosed with a terrible disease. You want to show compassion but don’t know how and end up saying the wrong thing. Meriam May is not only a brave breast cancer survivor, she’s also keen to explain how you can be supportive to those going through this awful journey.
We all find ourselves in situations where we don’t know how to react or what to say. It’s often when people are diagnosed with a terrible disease. You want to show compassion but don’t know how and end up saying the wrong thing. Meriam May is not only a brave breast cancer survivor, she’s also keen to explain how you can be supportive to those going through this awful journey.
I generally have a fairly positive attitude, I try to look ahead more often and not dwell too long on what is not going well. This is not always easy and it remains hard work to maintain this attitude. The tough moments are, for example, the moments when I receive news of a fellow sufferer with metastases. This reality hits me hard in the face and brings me back to my own vulnerability. Will it happen to me this way too? A frequently heard reaction is: 'You have to stay positive, you know'. And when I say that I am, but also have a very realistic view of my life, of which cancer will always be a part, the reaction is not always good. I, yes I, assume that the cancer can always come back... now, in 6 months, maybe in 20 years. And that is precisely why I focus on the here and now and try to make the best of it every day.
I have been 'forced' to think about death in the past month. This is because of the loss of my aunt and other people with whom I have had contact for a longer or shorter period of time. All of them lost the battle against cancer. The positive thing is that death is a subject that I can now easily talk about. And the more I think about my mortality, the stronger I am in life. Of course, the fear of returning is still there. I have accepted that and I try to keep this fear in check in my own way. But that is not self-evident for many others, because did you know that:
– Do many cancer patients suffer from PTSD?
PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and many cancer patients are terrified that the disease will return. Those who suffer from PTSD sleep poorly, can become depressed, have obsessive thoughts about cancer and are constantly anxious. A year after the diagnosis, more than half of the patients suffer from 1 or more of these symptoms. The anxiety triggers also remain present in many, for example before or during periodic check-ups, when reporting on cancer in the media or when news about the death of fellow sufferers. Research shows that many women have an average of two anxiety triggers per month after the diagnosis and the anxiety can be just as intense as the anxiety during the diagnosis and cancer treatment.
I recognize myself in this and I also experience that fear. But this fear does not come close to that first deep fear after my diagnosis. Fortunately, I have found my way to reduce the fear. I do this mainly by seeking distraction. Anyone for whom fear is an obstacle can benefit from seeking help from a psychologist or another care provider, who can provide tools to deal with this obstructive fear. The fear will probably always continue to play a role, but you can influence the extent of this yourself.
– Are there lists of remarks that you would rather not make when dealing with a cancer patient? All remarks are certainly well-intentioned, but not always very helpful. The following remarks that I have heard, which raised or raise my eyebrows: 'You shouldn't start with those doctors, I have read about an alternative...' No, don't do that... no matter how well-intentioned! The moment cancer strikes you, you will do everything to survive it and in doing so you make your own personal choices. Please, don't criticize them! Rather show understanding for the choice you have made and don't try to convince the other person otherwise.
Another comment: 'You look great (read: healthy), you must be glad it's over'. Yes, thank you and no, it's never over! I'm a cancer patient forever and the annual check-ups remind me that I will remain one.
Also: 'Oh dear, you have cancer! My cousin/aunt/neighbor/ex-boyfriend had it too and died from it..' Well, I think that's really sad and I mean it. But this sentence helps me, actually any cancer patient really doesn't. Bring on those strong, beautiful stories of survivors. That gives us comfort!
Or: 'Hmm, what a mess. This must be terrible for you!'. We don't want pity and we are not pitiful either. For me and many others I know, cancer, as crazy as it may sound, has made the world a lot more positive. Yes, really! A positive focus, a continuous smile on our face (or in our head) and we find a bright spot every day. No one can take that away from us, right my dear friend Martijn van Sommelsdijck ? Mi lobi yu 
❤️
Finally, check out Innerwheel's breast self-exam video below.
I'm calling it a day for this time.
Thank you my friends for reading and please:
Enjoy & embrace life while you can!
Lobi
Meriam May