When I told my half-African sister-in-law that we wanted to adopt a child from South Africa, she said to me: “You have to promise me one thing: that you will take good care of your children’s hair and not neglect it like all those white mothers with dark children do!”. I had not thought about that at all until that moment. I solemnly promised her.
When I told my half-African sister-in-law that we wanted to adopt a child from South Africa, she said to me: “You have to promise me one thing: that you will take good care of your children’s hair and not neglect it like all those white mothers with dark children do!”. I had not thought about that at all until that moment. I solemnly promised her.
And then she was there: our beautiful daughter Anna. Born with a head full of hair. No bald spots, nothing. A beautiful full afro. The social worker in South Africa said that we would have our hands full with the hair. She spoke from experience because she had just as thick a head of frizzy hair as Anna.
As I promised, I combed and cared for my hair every day. The book 'Kinki Kreations' was my hair bible for a year. It taught me the do's and don'ts of afro hair and I learned to make my first twists through the book. So far so good..
Until Anna turned 2 and became more self-conscious. She looked around on the street and at the daycare and came to the inevitable conclusion that she was different from most. That the blonde girls could swing their hair. That they could put 1 ponytail in with ease. And Anna couldn't. She sat in front of the mirror a few times, crying and pulling her hair. Wishing she was different.
An afro was no longer allowed. That was the stupidest hairstyle ever. So I learned to braid, plait and eventually even apply extensions. To make her self-image more positive. And it worked! It became a kind of hobby to keep trying new things. Braiding for hours every month. Practice makes perfect. It looks better and better. Moreover, it is a wonderful mother-daughter moment. In the meantime, Anna 'orders' her hairstyles. She gets furious if I don't do it the way she had planned. She has almost always sat happily in front of the mirror in recent years.
And that Afro? She always thought it was stupid . The kids in her class didn't help either. The times she came into class with an Afro, the kids said: "Hey?! What did you do with your hair?! How weird."
Until yesterday. I had taken out her braids, washed and combed her hair, and then Anna said: “Oh, I like this!”. I asked her if she wanted to wear it like that the next day at school. To my great surprise, she happily agreed. The next morning she got nervous: “I don’t feel like having all the kids start talking about it again”. I said to her: “You know Anna, you will always look different from others. Whether you like it or not. You can’t change that. Luckily, you are the prettiest. Do you like your own hair?”. The convincing answer was 'yes'. She decided that was the most important thing. And she came home happy! Despite the fact that a white boy had told another brown girl with an afro that her hair looked like broccoli. The first steps towards a healthy self-image have hopefully been taken with this. And that was exactly what my sister-in-law had in mind when she made me make my promise. I am a happy person 🙂
At Mireille's request, I will show Anna a new hairstyle every month. And of course I will tell you how I made it and how I took care of it. And uhh... I am open to feedback and tips! I comb this afro out completely every day with the help of the tangle teaser and no more knots from kroeshaar.com. I also add some shea butter.
Tip for other new mothers : never let your child walk around with loose hair for more than a week. It gets dry very quickly, causing it to break. Moreover, it requires a lot of care: you have to comb it out every day to keep it nice. If you have no experience with other hairstyles, start with twists. A good demo of this can be found on Kroeshaar instruction-videos . If the hair is twisted or braided, it stays much nicer and softer and breaks less quickly. As a result, it grows easier and more evenly.
