During my presentation at the Haitian Cultural Organization I was asked this question. What would you say?
Last week was a very, very busy week. Besides being invited by the Cultural Haitian organization in Brooklyn to talk about kinky hair, I was also invited by Maria Thompson of Twist and Curves to attend her free Going Natural Workshop. The latter was in Hartford, about a 3 hour drive from NY. Both events were successful, friendly, fun and educational.
At the Haitian Cultural Center I felt right at home. Dahoud, the radio program maker who invited me, opened the Friday evening with some history about their country. The packed hall proudly sang the national anthem before I was allowed to start.
After that I was allowed to tell extensively about my book Going Natural, How to Fall in Love with Nappy Hair. The audience was not only very interested, people also asked a lot of questions. I will not withhold the most interesting ones from you.
>A young lady in her 20s said she hadn't relaxed for 7 months but was caught between two fires. When she was with her teenage friends she often got a somewhat negative and somewhat bullying response about what she was doing with her hair.
When she was around her older friends it was all interference and compliments. How do you deal with that? she asked. It's quite confusing.
Of course I understand her confusion but at least she had incentive. At the time I went natural there was really no one who encouraged me and natural was not as hip as it is now. Sometimes I also walked around with hairstyles that hmmm, maybe just about fit through the door, but I did it anyway.
Why? Because I was rediscovering my hair. Hair that I had never really learned to deal with because it was too difficult and because you couldn’t really go out with that type of hair if you wanted to be taken seriously. I didn’t care about any of this. Above all, I wanted healthy hair; MY own hair!
I was so focused on getting my own hair back that I didn’t care if people disagreed or liked it or not. In the end, I was the one who was going bald and would have to live with weaves for the rest of my life if I wanted to meet their standards. I seriously wasn’t going to do that.
I sincerely hope that my experience was a support to her: know what you are doing it for and don't let anyone get you down.
The other question was hilariously asked and I couldn’t answer it. It came from Rajen Persuad, author of “Why Black Men Love White Women.” I had met him at the summer International African Arts Festival. We had exchanged books and were going to stay in touch.
The title of his book already suggests that Rajen is not afraid to tackle controversial topics. He told us with his typical flair that he had a girlfriend with a beautiful short haircut. Natural and all. He had been chasing her for weeks before they finally started dating.
But after a few months she came out with this super smooth long colored weave. He was like What the heck? What? Why! His question was: how do you make this clear? How do you bring up this topic? When I asked how he brought up the topic he said: I said what is this sh…!
Well, you can imagine I died laughing. That is NOT the way to broach the subject Rajen, I said. I can vividly imagine his girlfriend. No woman would like that and they are not together anymore. According to Rajen it is really because of the hair.
I have to say I don't know the answer to the question. I know women are very sensitive when it comes to appearances and I want to ask you the following:
What would you do if your boyfriend or husband reacted this way when you came home with what you thought was a super sexy weave? And how would he best make it clear to you that he doesn't like your new look as much as you do?