I have been relaxing for a long time, from the age of 15, about 8 years on and off. After I had been in the Netherlands for about 2 years, my hair started to break. To make my hair healthy and grow, I started braiding.
Have you ever relaxed? How long have you relaxed your hair and why did you stop relaxing?
I have been relaxing for a very long time, from the age of 15, about 8 years on and off. After I had been in the Netherlands for about 2 years, my hair started to break. To make my hair healthy and grow, I started braiding it. That worked well, but every time I relaxed again, my hair broke. I tried everything, "touching up" on time, the mildest relaxer, weekly cream, but my hair kept breaking.
When I got tired of the pattern: relax, break, braid, healthy hair, relax, break, braid, I stopped relaxing, I just wanted healthy hair again. So I stopped because my thin, dry, broken hair was driving me crazy. But I never really liked relaxing anyway, because of the time you spend at the hairdresser, the maintenance with rollers, tongs, creams and all the limitations that come with relaxed hair.
Why the limitations that come with relaxed hair?
Relaxed hair rules your life. You can never spontaneously dive into the water, run or do sports without thinking “oh my hair”. Chlorine and relaxed hair is an impossible combination and sweating is also not good for relaxed hair. There is always the stress of the weather, if it starts raining or blowing hard you will spend the rest of the day trying to style your hair. It actually prevents you from having fun and doing spontaneous things, you are busy with your hair all day long.
How long have you been “natural”?
In 1998 I braided my hair for a year and basically I had already sworn off relaxing. However, one Sunday I had an appointment to braid my hair again, but the hairdresser was not there and the next day I had to go to work. I did not know what to do with my big head of frizzy hair (wan bigi boesie), called in sick the next day and started relaxing again like a shot. I was furious, but at the same time I realized that I had to learn to deal with my hair. I actually found it sad that I could not deal with my hair so well and could not imagine that there were no representative hairstyles for frizzy hair. So then I started ordering American books via the internet about how to care for your hair and what is possible with frizzy hair. Since 2000 I have been “natural” and have not relaxed anymore.
Did you go to the hairdresser to relax?
Yes, every 2 to 3 months and that was probably my biggest aversion. You lose a whole day, the stuff burns your head, then the excessive heat of the hood dryer, the blow dryer or the tongs, everything takes hours and then you have to hope that it doesn't rain, because then it's all for nothing.
How often do you go to the hairdresser and what kind of treatments do you do at the hairdresser?
Now I only go to the hairdresser when I want a different hairstyle for a change, like those Flat Twists, to put on points or to braid.
You complain that relaxing takes so much time, but braiding takes much more time, right?
Braiding does take a lot of time, but it is “low maintenance”. When I wear my hair braided, I don’t have to comb it for 2 months. Just wash it, use moisturizer and my hair always looks good, what could be easier than that? The most important thing is that my hair grows better and is really healthier. By the way, I think I spend less time braiding than relaxing. My hairdresser braids my hair in 3 to 4 hours, relaxing it always took me at least 4 hours. I also never wear “micro braids”, those really thin little braids. It really takes forever to braid hair that thin and your hair breaks.
But let's be honest; doesn't caring for relaxed hair take less time than frizzy hair if you don't braid it?
No, really not. I once calculated how much time it takes to care for relaxed hair. Weekly washing, creaming and then either putting rollers and under the hood dryer, or blow-drying or tongs. Washing/creaming takes about an hour, because the cream usually has to soak in for half an hour. Putting rollers takes another half hour and the hood dryer at least an hour. So you lose at least 2 1/2 hours a week. And I haven't even mentioned the daily things, if it has rained or you have done sports, you have to "quickly" roll or tong again. If you make a nice hairstyle with naturally frizzy hair such as twists or corn rows, you can certainly do it for a week to 2. So caring for frizzy hair really does not take more time, as many people think.
Ok, maybe it doesn't take more time when you calculate it like that, but isn't relaxed hair easier than frizzy hair? You yourself say that you started relaxing again because you didn't know how to deal with your hair.
Yes, but there was also a time when I had to learn how to put in rollers and pliers, but putting in rollers is not easier than making twists, blow-drying is not easier than braiding. No way. A lot of people think that relaxed hair is easier because they are used to it. What is difficult is changing a pattern that you are used to.
So why do so many women relax?
I think for the simple reason that they are conditioned, that was also why I did it in the end. At first it was part of growing up, as a girl you walk around with braids and when you “grow up” you are allowed to relax. That was fun at first, but at some point I didn’t even know why I was relaxing, I just did it without thinking about it, that’s how it was supposed to be. It has grown that way partly because of history and it is very difficult to think objectively about conditioned habits and especially to break such a pattern. I too have asked myself “if I stop relaxing, what will I do with my hair? ”. Now I know that there are many possibilities, that frizzy hair even offers more variety. But it is not easy to break a pattern that is supposed to be like that, a pattern that you have been used to since your teenage years.
How did you manage it then?
Anyway, I was always fascinated by frizzy hair, locs, braids and conrows I always found beautiful. But I was so fed up with my broken, unhealthy hair and the hassle with relaxing, that I was very convinced and could take on the challenge.
What's so challenging about it? It's just your own hair, right?
Walking with natural frizzy hair is a challenge in itself, it provokes a reaction. Like I said, relaxing is the norm, it is a pattern that belongs to people with frizzy hair. It seems like there is something wrong with you if you do not relax. Comments like hmmm your hair is frizzy, shouldn't you go to the hairdresser? You have courage to walk like that. You have to be able to handle that scorn, those comments. In addition, you have to learn to deal with your natural hair almost completely by yourself, that is not so easy either.
How did you deal with those reactions?
I was so happy that my hair was growing and blossoming again, it was like I rediscovered my hair, that's why I didn't care what people thought or said. I could often even laugh at those conditioned reactions. Because of my knowledge and experience I was of course also very convinced. The women all know that hassle of relaxing and know that relaxing is the cause of 99% of our hair problems. Why do they ask why I don't relax? Actually I should ask why they relax. And every time with humid weather I look with a grin at the spasmodic fuss of oooh, my hair, my hair is getting wet and I say: that's one of the reasons why I don't relax.
Are you against relaxing now?
No, not in principle. As a girl, especially as a teenager, it is fun to do something different with your appearance, with your hair. I want every woman to have that pleasure. I have relaxed myself and even though I was never completely crazy about it, it can look nice. I would not recommend it, because I know the consequences and the history. But experience is often not something you can transfer, people learn best from their own experience and even then the choice is theirs. I would not force a choice on anyone.
Would you also like to relax for a change?
Me! Nooooo, never again. There are endless possibilities with frizzy hair, so I won't be bored for a while. My hair is much more manageable now, much healthier than when it's relaxed and it offers many more possibilities.
But you sound quite negative about relaxing, you used “chemical junk” for example.
Yes, because of my bad experience, but I am not against relaxing itself. What I am against is that relaxing is the norm, that people look at you strangely if you do not want to relax. The neurotic relaxing, that women keep relaxing, despite the fact that the hair breaks and thins out, that broken relaxed hair is preferred over healthy frizzy hair, that is what I am against. You MUST relax, your hair must not be frizzy otherwise you are not neat.
So isn't relaxed hair the norm because it's neater?
Neater? Neater than frizzy hair? Such thoughts are not only conditioned, but also colonialist, slavish. I can respect that you find relaxed hair more beautiful, but neater is a value judgment. So frizzy hair would not be neat enough to show off with? That is nonsense, isn't it? That is how relaxing has become the norm, a lot of hairstyles that are accepted today, corn rows for example, used to be flashy, offensive and not suitable to show yourself with in public. That was an unjustified value judgment anyway and some people have not only blindly adopted this idea, they have also gotten stuck in it. And again, you don't have to find frizzy hair beautiful, but to say that it is by definition not neat is going too far.
But Dreadlocks aren't really neat, are they?
Why not? Who decides? Isn't Davids, Clark Accord and Sandy's hair neat? Neat means cared for, neat, clean, dreadlocks have all these qualities. Why is the hair of a woman with long straight hair neater than that of a woman with long dreadlocks like Sandy? Why is the hair of a man with streaks of straight hair neater than that of Clark Accord? Do you think Maldini's hair is neater than that of Davids? Growing dreadlocks is the most natural way to wear frizzy hair, the hair can grow naturally and undisturbed. Dreadlocks are not necessarily unkempt or dirty, they are always washed and cared for. People often have a negative image of dreadlocks, because they think of uncultivated locks, locks that you let grow involuntarily, but they are also often washed. It is really time to revise these ideas and especially standards.
What's so special about curly hair?
Afro hair is unique because the small curls only occur in people of African descent. Asians, Europeans, Indians, all other races have smooth hair. Besides the fact that Afro hair is unique in its structure, Afro hair is special because it carries the history of blacks with it. The centuries-old African hairstyles already had a meaning and told a story and that has always been the case. Just think about it. Surinamese slaves used to braid paddy grains into their hair, so that they could at least plant rice and not go hungry, wherever they ended up. The Anisa “Meet mi na tap na hoekoe” is derived from a hairstyle with the same name. After that, the hair was pressed for a very long time to meet the prevailing standards, the afro of the 60s emerged from the Civil Rights Movement, the curly of the 80s declined in popularity after Michael Jackson had his hair set on fire, the acceptance of braids in the 90s, partly due to the Hip Hop culture. In short, curly hair tells a political and cultural history.
Isn't it really hard to go from relaxed hair back to frizzy hair? A lot of women say their hair breaks, that it's hard and such. Did you cut your hair really short?
No, my hair was so short in the middle of my head that I didn't have to cut it off. The rest of my hair was a bit longer, but I made small braids and tucked them in, Motjo Koemba's is what it's called in Surinamese. So I did walk around with a short hairdo for a while. My hair suddenly grew very fast, I did it again every 2 to 3 weeks. I also varied with Bantu Knots, even waved and of course braided it. My transition period is mainly characterized by experimenting, trying out, finding out what I felt comfortable with and learning to deal with my hair.
And now?
Now? Now I can handle my hair better and I actually still try out hairstyles. Until recently I did Twists, nice and easy, they stay in for 3 weeks and then you can walk around with a twist-out for almost a week. But small twists now take too much time because my hair is a bit longer. I want Bantu Knots again, fresh for the summer.
What is your hair routine?
I actually do all the things I wrote in my book. I wash my hair every 2 to 3 weeks depending on my hairstyle, keep my hair well moist, comb my hair as little as possible and when I do comb it, I do it carefully and take my time. If I have extensions in, I wash my hair more often, I don't cream my hair and I take them out of my hair in time. This is a short list, but the various routines are described in detail in my book.
What would you recommend to people who, like you, want to go back to their curly hair?
Be patient and brave. Rediscover your hair and enjoy it, it is wonderful to finally see your hair grow again and especially to see it blossom, to feel how soft frizzy hair really is. If you have no problem with short hair, cut off the relaxed part, get to know your hair and enjoy. Find and make hairstyles that you feel good about, afro, bantu knots, cornrows or twists, it doesn't matter, as long as you feel happy and think it looks good. You will see that your hair blossoms and says eeehhhh. If you don't want to cut your hair completely short, try a twist-out, wave or braids, even then there are endless possibilities. Do cut off your dead ends. The most important thing is that you enjoy it. Of course my book can help you with that. Toni Morrisen says it nicely: "don't be afraid, enjoying your frizzy hair is a great liberation". To the people who say it is difficult I want to say:
It is not because it is difficult that you do not dare, it is difficult because you do not dare.