Hi Mireille, I really need help with my hair. I shaved my hair completely in 2008. It does grow back but the sides won't grow. I have been under treatment with a dermatologist for about 8 months now.
Because of him I take vitamin B, E, hair supplements. According to him it is half genetically determined, that I am and remain bald. According to him the hair will grow back, but it does not look like that.
My past is a lot of gluing, weaving, straightening and even burns on my scalp. I know I haven't treated my hair and scalp well and now I'm so scared that this is it for me. That I'll have to walk around with wigs forever.
I look forward to your response. I will send you some photos so you can get an idea of what it looks like. I hope you can help me. I would like to remain anonymous.
Kind regards, J.
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Dear J,
Despite the fact that I unfortunately don't know if I can actually help you, I am really very happy with your email.
The problem you describe is so urgent in our community and no one, absolutely no one, talks about it. There is shame everywhere and the problem is not only getting worse, even children are starting to relax and weave at an increasingly younger age and it really hurts me seriously. So I understand very well that you want to remain anonymous and I respect that.
To me you are a real hero for daring to mail this because most of our women prefer to cover the damage and shame with an even more expensive weave or with even more hair. I don't know if you are ready to hear this, because I don't want to sound like an annoying sour lady, but the deeper cause lies in the fact that we are ashamed of our hair and I would like to use this moment as a learning moment for others.
We often start relaxing very innocently because as a teenager we want something different than the frizzy hair that we underestimate anyway and that we have not learned to deal with at all. We can hardly make hairstyles ourselves. After relaxing, the hair soon starts to break. The beautiful thick hair becomes thinner and breaks off and what do we do then, we simply continue with it and when our hair is really broken too much we switch to braids or worse, relaxing and weaving at the same time. That's when the real misery really starts.
We try everything except our own frizzy hair, because we are now convinced that it really can't be done. We continue until we reach a point where we don't even have any hair left to weave in. Gluing is then the solution, if we haven't done that already, but by then our self-confidence has already suffered deep dents. Because our hair is supposed to be our crowning glory and we have slowly but surely humiliated and destroyed our own beautiful crowning glory. This is really a very sad cycle that I try to prevent with all my might. Every frizzy head saved is a victory for me.
Take heart Jenny, you are not alone. The photos of Naomi Campbell and Serena Williams are among the evidence that you are part of a pattern in our culture that I am not proud of. For a deeper explanation, read Bad Hair Uprooted . Fortunately for you, there has come a point where you want your own hair back and even appreciate it again.
The fact that you shaved your hair off and are seeing a Dermatologist shows me that you love yourself and take your hair and the problem seriously and that is very nice to know. A black woman who shaves her hair off is ready for serious change and really much respect that you did that.
Now about your situation. As you indicate, you have treated your hair very badly. I have no right to speak, everything you have done I have done too, except for sticking it. But that was honestly simply because it was not there at that time. Fortunately not otherwise I might have done it too.
The feeling you describe, that you are afraid that you will have to wear wigs for the rest of your life, is so recognizable to me. That is the reason that I stopped everything. The only difference is that the feeling came earlier for me. I realize every day when I see these problems that I should be grateful that my hair has come back.
Your photos didn't come with me, so I don't really have an idea how bad your situation is, but based on what you describe I can say the following.
Sticking a weave on your scalp is the worst thing you can do because you pull your hair out of your head when you remove it. This is almost comparable to waxing, the hair usually grows back, sometimes fluffy, sometimes even just as strong, but if the hair follicles are damaged, it won't. Your Dermatologist should be able to determine this.
What helped my hair during difficult times is a weekly Detox treatment. Now I have to say that you should not use the Detox Conditioner if you still have wounds on your scalp, but otherwise it works wonders. I have also had good reactions to the Scalp Conditioning Oil and especially the Scalp Conditioning Spray . The best thing you can do for your hair at the moment I think, is really weekly deep treatments and also keep the hair nice and soft and supple with the hair butter or the hair cream. These simple steps have caused a growth spurt for me, hopefully it will work for you too. Good luck and I hope you keep us informed.
