This month I asked Dolores Leeuwin to write a column about the subject of marriage. This subject fascinates me because it is viewed very differently here in America. It must be the cultural difference, but I wondered whether we Surinamese women generally think about marriage. Do we want to get married or not and why or why not. Dolores wrote this nice column about it. I am curious whether you can relate to it and what you think about it. Read them!
When I tell people I am married, I usually get this reaction: “Hey, are you married? Why? ” Apparently, being married is something very special. Many people think getting married is old-fashioned because: “it is no longer necessary to get married in this day and age. You can also opt for a cohabitation agreement.” Yes, that is also possible and we initially did that because we also had the idea that getting married is hopelessly outdated and brings a lot of hassle with it. Especially when you see the suffering it causes when after a while you no longer love each other as much as you initially thought and decide to get divorced. “ Was it a must? ” Also a frequently asked question. Nooooo, it was not a must.
My husband proposed to me after an evening of delicious food and chatting in a romantic restaurant in France. I always thought that it would not make any difference to me emotionally whether he would propose or not. Apparently it affected me more than I ever thought because this emancipated, new-fangled career woman immediately started to sob and I stared at my husband like an idiot the first few days after the proposal. He is someone who does not easily talk about his feelings so this was a kind of extra confirmation for me that he really wanted to continue with me. Maybe I am more old-fashioned than I thought possible.
And the wedding day itself, that was really a-ma-zing! I was most impressed by the fact that so many people had taken the trouble to share that day with us. Even the people who don't like weddings at all, we had to kindly but firmly ask to leave the building at the end of the evening because the staff really wanted to go home now!
We spent our honeymoon in Suriname. My husband had never been there before and the last time for me was 12 years ago when I did my internship there. I enjoyed everything about our wedding immensely.
Then our son Vince came along. He is now 5 months old. A really nice little guy. But having a child (because that's how I see it, he really is a gift!) also means crossing a psychological boundary. That's another story. All the things that have to be arranged when such a little one is finally here! Reporting it to the municipality, to the various insurance companies, applying for child benefit, going to the consultation bureau, etc. I was so glad that we were married by then, because otherwise my husband would have had to officially acknowledge our child. You have to fill out about 40,000 forms for that and pay a lot of money.
So getting married:
Old fashioned?
Hopelessly romantic?
Handy?
Do you really care what anyone thinks?!
Dolores